[Nano novel] Chapter Ten: A long walk.

The tree line was a lot further away than Ava had though it was going to be, and her ankle felt swollen by the time she asked to stop walking and sit down.

"Oh," said Taliesin, in an anguished sort of voice, "I didn't realize you were so hurt!  We could have stopped earlier!"

"I'm alright," Ava said in a mockingly cheerful voice.  "No, really, it's okay.  No, ow!  Don't touch it, just let me sit down here.  I think I overdid it, that's all.  It's my fault."

He eased her down near one of the curiously planned-looking piles of rocks, and she leaned against a rock and stretched out her leg as far as it could go.  It was swollen; she had walked at least twenty minutes longer than she should have.  She had been enjoying the feeling of walking with him, her arm through his arm, his body supporting hers as she walked.  He kept leaning closer to her and she thought for sure that she had caught him smelling her hair once or twice.  Every girl gets a peculiar sort of rush when a boy likes her, and this was certainly no different than that; unless it was somehow different.  He had seen her in his dreams.  They both came here the same way.  Were they connected?

Taliesin sat down next to her, breathing a little heavily.  He must have been using more energy than he showed during their walk, helping her the way he had.  He leaned his head against the rock and closed his eyes for a moment.  Since he wasn't looking at her, she studied his face a little bit.  She might be very brash and outward most of the time, but she still felt rather shy where the opposite sex was concerned, even if she did get a charge out of being admired.

His skin was pale, but his cheeks were flushed slightly just now.  His hair was very dark, almost black, and his eyelashes were thick and jet black.  A thin, narrow nose suited his face, which was what an older generation might call patrician.  His features were all clean cut, somewhat delicate, and quite nice to look at - at least to me, she thought a mischievously.  His eyes, when they were open - she could already recall their color with a surprising level of clarity.  They were grey, deep grey with black flecks, and a just the slightest touch of gold.  She had looked full into them once when she had stumbled and almost fallen, and he had caught her; and their depth startled her.  She did not expect them to be so bottomless nor so fascinating.  He opened his eyes and must have felt her looking at him, because he immediately turned his head to meet her gaze, which she quickly broke.  For some reason she could not quite fathom, she was completely nervous and embarrassed when he looked at her.

"Well, I guess I have to sit here for a while," she said and giggled, stupidly, she thought to herself.  "I should not have walked so far," she grimaced, trying to stave off the fit of additional foolish laughter she could feel bubbling up inside.  There had been so many times that her tendency to act like an idiot when she was nervous had caused a potential friendship to fizzle out into nothing, and she didn't want to make that mistake here.

"Do you want me to carry you back?" he asked anxiously. 

"Oh!" she said, and her cheeks flushed.  "I don't... why don't we just sit, and maybe my ankle will get better if I don't walk on it right away."  She was so conflicted suddenly - part of her wanted to be carried, and part of her wanted to avoid it.  Which was odd, because just yesterday he'd carried her to the castle.  Of course, she had been tired and out of it then.  Today things were different; although it wasn't just because she was fully awake.  There was something else too, something that wasn't there yesterday.

"So where did you live, before?"  she hoped that some normal conversation would help with the awkwardness she was feeling.

"I go to college in northern Michigan," he said.  "Or I did.  I guess I still do - it's a holiday break right now, so I won't be missed for a few more days."

"Wow," she said, envious.  "I wish I was still in college.  I've had one semester and I loved it; I took a philosophy class and a writing class and math.  And I hate math, but somehow I enjoyed it anyway.  I think I just love to learn."

"So do I!" he grinned then, and his smile was breathtaking somehow, like a sunset painted across the sky in glorious colors. 

She stared at him for several seconds before she remembered to respond.  "What's your favorite class so far?"  She was glad he couldn't hear all the conflicting things going on inside her head.  For once, her mother's voice was not present - she had enough different voices inside her head to argue amongst themselves without her being there as well.  Stop staring at him!  she thought, and then His eyes are so dreamy...  She shook her head in an attempt to clear it enough to carry on a conversation like a normal person.

"Oh, I don't know... I like the world literature class I've had.  My professor is really old and bent over, but he is so interesting.  I already wrote a paper for him and he loved it, so I must be on track with what he's trying to teach us.  And I'm in a creative writing class too, although so far I've just done a little bit of crappy poetry.  I still get a good grade for writing anything at all, because it's a freshman course, so I'm happy with it.  I'm hoping that by the end of the semester I might be writing something worth reading to someone else..." he trailed off.  "I suppose that might not happen now."  His face was very sober.

"It's hard not to think about it," she said.  "I was hoping we could just talk about, you know, anything, but... it all comes back to that.  We're stuck and we can't go back, at least not right now."

"You don't seem very upset about it," he grinned again.

"I am, really, I'm just holding it in I think.  I learned how to hold things in a long time ago."

"Really?"  he looked skeptical.  "I didn't get the impression that you hold anything back."

Her cheeks flushed again.  "But I do!  I'm out there, sure, but I know when to keep things to myself.  My mother..." but she stopped, not sure if she really wanted to get into all that just now.  Not now, when they were having a good time talking.  "Never mind," she said.  "We don't need to talk about that right now.  Tell me more about yourself."

"Well... what do you want to know?  Because I keep things to myself too," he said.  "Maybe I don't want to talk about myself."

"Are you teasing me?"

"A little, maybe," he said, and smiled again. 

"You seem a lot different from yesterday," she said, smiling back at him.  Why did he have to be so gorgeous?  This was making it very hard for her to keep herself on an even keel.  Control yourself, girlie, she said firmly to herself.

"Really?"  he seemed genuinely puzzled at that.  "What was I like yesterday?"

"You hardly said a word!  You were so silent.  And I thought you were afraid of Tristan, like maybe he was angry with you or something.  Today you're... happy, maybe.  I don't know."

"Happy?  Really?"

"Now what are you doing?  Every sentence is a question!"  she started laughing.  "Aren't you usually happy?  You know, when you're in the place you're supposed to be living, doing the things you usually do?"

He laughed again.  "I suppose I am.  Well, probably not happy.  I don't think you could normally characterize me as happy.  Although I'm a lot happier than I was a few months ago."

"Oh, explain.  Now I'm all curious," she said.  She moved her legs and wiggled her ankle a little, but it still hurt quite a bit.  I'm so stupid, she sighed inwardly.  I think I just wanted to go for walk with him because he's so cute.  And I was bored.  So now my ankle is worse than it was... so stupid.

"Do you really want to hear all this?"  he looked sad again, or maybe it was worried, like he had yesterday.  "It's kind of complicated."

"Mine's complicated too," she said sympathetically.  "But I love to listen, so please tell me.  I promise I'll listen to all of it."

"Only if you promise to tell me yours when I'm all done."

She sighed.  "I walked into that one, didn't I... okay, deal."

He reached out to shake hands, which she did with a giggle.  She let her hand linger in his a little longer than she should have; his skin was warm and smooth, and she wanted to keep touching him, but she forced herself to take her hand back.  Why do I fall so hard when I fall?

He drew up his knees and leaned his elbows on them, and looked off into the distance, past Castle Agria.  "My growing up was... lonely," he began.  "I have a brother and a sister, but they are seven and nine years older than me, respectively.  My parents had gotten rid of all their baby toys after they outgrew them, and when I came along, I was a bit of a mistake, I think.  No, I know I was.  Anyway, they didn't buy any new toys for me, and they didn't let my grandparents send me any... I played a lot with toys that I made myself, but that wasn't until I was a little older.  I was ignored a lot, so I don't even think my parents even noticed when I started making toys out of the things they were throwing away, or things that were lying around the basement or garage or yard that they obviously didn't want anymore.

"There's a lot more than that, but.. I don't think I can talk about it all right now.  It's too much, and I've only recently been able to talk about some things without wanting to run away and hide.  My brother and sister went to boarding schools, and I only saw them on holidays, but not every holiday, because they spent a lot of time with my grandparents.  I went to public school, walked to the bus every morning alone, walked home every afternoon alone, waited until late in the evening for my parents to come home.  I used to clean the house a lot because I knew that would make them... maybe not happy, but they wouldn't notice me as much and be angry with me if the house was neat and clean when they got home.

"When I graduated, which I did with honors, I left that same day for school.  I got a full ride scholarship to Northern, and I did it all by myself.  I guess maybe I've been the happiest these last few months than I was all my growing up, and it's only because I'm finally free of them... I don't have to go home if I don't want to, I can stay gone forever if I want.  For now, I think it's enough that I'm not there anymore."

She wanted to hug him, hold him tightly and tell him everything would be okay, because there was so much pain behind his words.  Every sentence made her heart want to burst for him.  When she spoke, her voice quivered a little.  "I'm so sorry," she said.  "I don't even know what to say..."

"It's okay," he said quickly.  "You don't have to apologize.  I can't change it even if I wanted to, and it's part of me anyhow.  It'll always be part of who I am."

"But it's so sad," she said, a tear welling up and sliding down her cheek.  "Oh, gosh, I'm sorry," she sniffled and wiped it away.  "Look at me, I'm crying at you story - you should be the one to cry!"

"I'm alright, really," he said, and smiled again.  "I don't like to talk about it, but I can a little bit sometimes.  And you are easy to talk to."

"Oh," she said.  "No one ever said that to me before.  Usually they say I'm loud," she added.  She laughed a little and wiped her face again.

"Your turn," he said. 

"Oh," she said again.  "I guess it is, isn't it?  Yuck.  I really hate talking about it, but I did promise.  I don't think mine is as bad as yours, but I think it's kind of bad.  My mother - she left my biological father when I was just a baby - raised me on her own, and I think she ended up resenting me, or something, because when I was old enough to know I could screw something up, she was always telling me that's all I did.  I thought for a long time that all I could do was make mistakes.  Of course, I'm also really mouthy, and I tend to think I know what I'm talking about, so we got in a lot of arguments and fights and she threw me out of the apartment more than once.  I went to a therapist for a while, and she said that I'm a very independent person and that my mother felt threatened by that.  All I know is, I can't ever do anything right where she's concerned.  Heck, I even have her voice in my head all the time telling me so, even when I'm nowhere near her.  It's kind of disturbing."  Taliesin was looking at her sympathetically, but she was starting to worry that she was coming across as really nuts.  He did ask, though, so she was going to go ahead and just say it all.

"When I was seventeen I ran away from home.  You would think that because she threw me out so many times that it wouldn't bother her, me leaving, but she went absolutely crazy about it.  She had the police looking for me, posters up everywhere, the whole deal.  She even went on the local television station during the evening news and cried over me and lied and said that she had no idea why I ran away, that maybe I was upset but it would be okay, and to please come home.  And even though it was a lie, I believed her - she sounded so genuine.  I thought maybe she really did love me, that things would be different, so I went back home.  Do you know what she did?  She beat me - smacked me around and threw me against the wall and screamed and yelled and broke things.  I had a black eye and I limped for three months after that.  The police came to the door a few days after, to follow up with her, and she made a big deal out of me being home and how she hadn't told them yet because she was so busy taking care of me, and that I had shown up bloody and limping and wasn't it awful.  I couldn't even say anything because of what she might do to me later.

"After that, I made a promise to myself that I was going to leave as soon as I could.  On the outside, I pretended that I was going along with her way of doing things, I wore the clothes she wanted me to wear and spoke the way she wanted me to speak and did my homework and got good grades and went to bed when I was supposed to.  I did my chores without complaining and kept the apartment straightened up.  I got a part-time job, and some of my friends helped me find a cheap little apartment in another city, rooming with a friend of mine, and I left one day while she was at work."

"Did you tell her where you were going?"  Taliesin looked like he was on the edge of his seat, and she laughed a little.  It was so odd to have someone so fascinated by the pain that had followed her in her life.

"No, but I sent her a postcard after a week or so.  I told her not to try and find me, that I was fine and had a job and didn't need her to help me.  She knows that I live in the city but not where, and I don't use my real name any more."

"Wow," said Taliesin.  "Your story is much better than mine.  You have a fake identity and everything?"

She laughed, relieved to have told it all and still be in possession of her self-control.  "My first name is really Ava, but I changed my last name."

"What city do you live in?  Grand Rapids?  Detroit?"

"No," she giggled.  "I don't live anywhere near Michigan.  I'm from New York state."

His surprise was tangible.  His eyes got very wide and his mouth dropped open a little bit. 

"Did you think the rainbow only went to your part of the country?" she started laughing then, a gasping sort of laugh, the kind of laugh that usually left her with sore abdominal muscles and teary eyes.

"I guess... but that's no reason to laugh at me!"  he seemed indignant, but then he broke down and joined in the laughter, and his face went red and he had to wipe tears from his face from the force of all the hilarity. 

After they had convulsed with laughter for a few more minutes, they calmed down a little bit and tried to breathe more slowly.  "I guess we should go back soon," said Ava.  "Do you think anyone wonders where we went?"

"I'm sure we didn't go so far that they can't see us, and besides, it's not like we were walking so fast anyhow.  You're not all that fast on that bum leg of yours."

This last caused Ava to start giggling again, which hurt her already sore stomach muscles.  "Stop," she gasped.  "You're hurting!  Stop being so funny!"

"Nobody's accused me of that before," he grinned, and stood up.  "Here, let me help you again.  There's no way that your ankle is better yet."

"I guess I shouldn't say no to help," she said, and grabbed his outstretched hands.  "OUCH," she exclaimed when she tried to put weight on her injured leg.  Before she knew it, he had scooped her up in his arms and was carrying her back to the castle.

"Hey," she protested ineffectually.  "I was going to try and walk, you know."

"I know.  And you don't like to be helped, but that's too bad.  You can't walk right now."

She gave up arguing about it, and laid her head on his shoulder again, since it was too difficult to keep her head steadily upright while he was walking with her.  Truthfully, she did not at all mind being carried again, but now his close physical proximity was sending off all kinds of signals.  Wow, he's strong.  And gorgeous.  And troubled.  That can't be a good combination...

It did not seem like any time at all before they had arrived back at the castle, and he was carrying her up the staircase, servants looking on surreptitiously, toward her room.  She was really not sure how he managed to find the wing with their rooms in it, because he had gone in a completely different door than the one they had left from, but he did it.  In the long hall, Greta was coming out of one of the many rooms, and he stopped her. 

"Greta - it's Greta, isn't it?"

"Yes, young master," she nodded.  "Is there something you are needing?"

"The lady has hurt herself further, and I believe she needs some kind of medicine.  Do you have medicine you can give her?  Or a... compress or something?"

"Just take her in and set her on her bed, if you please sir, and I will fetch some medicines."  She hurried away down the hall, and Taliesin found Ava's door and pushed it open.

Her room, which she already thought of as hers, was flooded with daylight, since the curtains had all been pulled back.  The rugs on the floor were golds and greens and deep reds, which suited Ava's temperament very well.  The bed was all in dark green, and had a canopy over it.  It was the consummate princess room, or at least the kind of room she would have wanted if she were actually a princess.  No pinks or yellows or lace, but rich colors and plenty of natural light.

Taliesin put her gently down on the bed.  "Thank you," she said, and hoped that she was conveying how heartfelt her thanks were.  "It is so generous of you to carry me so far.  If I had been you, I think I would have left me there and gone to find a horse or a bigger person to carry me."

"It was my pleasure, really," he said in a low voice, and met her eyes.  Her heart started to beat a little too fast, and she found herself at a loss for words. 

At that moment, Greta came back into the room, followed by two more maids, who had several bundles and a pile of towels and a steaming pitcher of hot water.

"Off you go now, young master," said Greta, shooing him out of the room, and he waved and gave her a half-smile before he left.

Ava's heart fell a little to see him go, but her attention was immediately returned to her injured ankle, and how much it was throbbing as the three maids tied it up tightly in a poultice, then gave her something to drink to ease the pain, then left her propped in the bed with a small pile of books. 

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Taliesin did not see Ava for the rest of the day; he ate his dinner alone in his room, as Greta informed him that Tristan was still in the Library and was expected to be there for many more hours before he was done. 

He played parts of their conversation over and over in his mind, dwelling on the parts where she was smiling and laughing.  How someone who had experienced so much pain could be light-hearted and funny, he did not understand.  Maybe it was her coping mechanism, or maybe she was just naturally able to come out the better for things happening to her.  The only thing he could really be sure of was that he was falling for her.  Something about her was lodging itself deeply in his heart, and he felt completely powerless to stop it from happening, even if he had wanted to; and he did not want to stop it.

He sat for a long while, an open book, unread, in his lap, and stared off into space, thinking about her warm red hair, her smile that lit up her face.  Her bright green eyes, and the freckles that were sprinkled across her pale skin.  He remembered that she had said her mother had given her a black eye and a limp for a while, and he felt anger surging into his body, his fists clenching and his heart beating more rapidly.  All he wanted to do was protect her, even though she seemed more than capable of doing without anyone else's protection or help.

Greta came to clear away his dinner tray, and he asked about Ava.

"She's sleeping, young master.  Her ankle should be healing up nicely, but only as long as she stays off her feet," and she glared a little at him.  "You're not to disturb her this evening.  Tomorrow morning she can decide whether to have breakfast in the morning room, or stay in bed.  Until then, you just let her rest."

"Oh," said Taliesin, sad that he would not get to see her anymore tonight.  It did not even occur to him that he had only just met her, because the feeling growing deep within his chest was beginning to inform his thoughts about her.  "Tell her I said goodnight, then?"

"I will, if she is awake when I go in there.  I will see you again in the morning with your hot water, and you can ask me about her then."

"Good night then, Greta.  Thank you."

She smiled and left, taking his tray of dirty dishes with her.  He had never been waited on before, and it was simultaneously uncomfortable and enjoyable.  He hoped that the staff here were treated well, because he could not stand to think of them being yelled at or punished harshly or sleeping in dank little rooms; although admittedly, that might just be all the books he had read that were giving him those ideas.

Not long after she left, he climbed into the big bed that was his, and lay there for a long while thinking about Ava and the rainbow and what both she and Tristan had told him that day.  He wondered if he would dream of her again.

The moon shone clear in the night sky, and there was once again a shadow that moved through the castle halls, silently and almost invisibly.  It made no sound, and no living person saw it.